My name................My business

Sorry guys, I was down with flu/flu like something so could not post. I was busy cleaning/ arranging/rearranging things at home sometime back and came across something which I forgot existed....my “Marriage Certificate” (got it done almost a year after wedding).  After I have been married, a lot of people (mostly friends and relatives) have asked me "So what is your name now?" to which I politely replied "I am planning to retain my maiden name." I got mixed reactions about this decision, some people shrug it off, some people were surprised, but the worst kind (let me not take names) questioned my decision. I thought I was done talking about it, but the other day someone I know well, asked me for my e-mail address and when I gave them, there was an instant reaction “ohh so you are still SURI huh??”

OK, so listen up!! My name...... My business, is that surprising huh? I am sure there are plenty of women out there, who go about embracing the husband’s last name or as in my husband’s (maharastrian) custom even changing their first name without a thought. I have no opinion or rather I’m no one to sit and judge their decision. As for myself, I’m fine retaining my maiden name. What is the big deal?? I mean should I be changing my surname, just because its mentioned in my marriage certificate...how lame is that?? My blog, my email ids, passport, bank accounts, PAN card, insurance policies and what not...all have my maiden name. Why should I go through the pain of updating so much when it can be done with minimum effort!! Well I sign “SURI”, not “PHADKE” because I feel SURI has a nice ring to it. To me ANURADHA SURI is a brand ;) I am not going to change that...ever. My marriage is the most important part of my life, read that properly, it is *the* most important thing in my life, yet, I see no reason to change my name especially when the crazy me loves it ;)

Well there is nothing wrong with my husband’s last name but I see no logic in giving up mine. If I ever get bored with being a SURI (which I know I never will) or feel like I need a change I will change it ,but that will be my decision and not something that comes in the package when one marries. So people who think that a woman who is old enough to make decisions in life, can't take a decision about her name, think again. Thank you :|

The Ugly Truth

Unlike most of the girls, I used to dislike flowery worded letters in my teens,  yet collected the matter from old greeting cards( to help my friends write love letters :P).  I have trashed many cards and letters given to me without even opening. Not that I was a beauty queen or had an air about myself or something, when it came to looks I was aware of the fact that I score a straight F and it was hard to believe when somebody actually approached me with a rose. That was the prime reason why kept breaking hearts before somebody could break mine. I always  thought that there was someone special for me and that he would approach me somedayand I would know that he's the one. Years passed, people in my life changed, but the thought never left me.By the year 2000 I had a lot of friends, most of them being boys, I was labelled for having a lot of “male friends”. Me being me I did not care because somewhere deep down I was still searching for that special someone. A lot of my friends, good friends even some of my close friends proposed me during this time, but somehow I could not establish a connection  beyond friendship. Once I graduated, I got busy with applying to the universities and taking entrance exams for admissions in to Masters. Friends’ circle changed yet again, but few Oldie-Goldie ones stuck around.

One day as I came home all frustrated from my dissertation, I found a piece of paper in one of my books. “My world is mute and empty without you” were the words and these words got me curious. These words just seem to have struck the right chords and I was desperate to find out who had written it. After all the search & research I came to know that it was written by AM. Initially I was surprised to know that he had written the note and was shocked when I learnt that the note was for me. I was like “henh!!??” That day I had seen a completely different side of him. I mean, I've known him for quite sometime, I  was surprised....really surprised. I appreciated his honesty though, but at the same time had a thousand questions about things he did for me (guess intention is the right word...no offense AM). The confidence and simplicity in the proposal wanted me to say "YES" ...but I kept him waiting  for nearly 4 years.  I needed time to think. I was getting sick with the stress of not having anyone to confide in and talk my fears out. That was when S & AS two of my very close friends stepped in to support me. They were as naive and inexperienced as I was (ok let me not say inexperienced ... because they were seeing each other secretly for quite some time then). I really wanted give it a try though there was no instantaneous connection, the only reason being that he was a good friend of mine and we had known each other for 6 years then. Though the idea of spending a lifetime with someone you know sounds exciting....but how well do you know the person?? I did not want to regret the decision I took nor wanted to compromise on what life I was going to lead  So what happened?? Nothing!!

Why am I talking about all this!! A month ago, my friend K sent me an e-mail with her boyfriend’s pic attached.She comes from a  family which believes that the only way to marry is to have the parents arrange it. Needless to say, they knew nothing of the existence of ALLEN. I came to know a lot about him through K's e-mails and few pictures and video clips that she sent me in the days that followed.Late one night when I was half asleep, K called to ask the inevitable question "So what did you think of him ?" I know of no other question that is quite as difficult to answer. My answer was truthful but incomplete. I told her I thought Allen was a decent guy, easy to like and talk to. Well, the part that I did not tell her was that I could see no real spark between them and feared they would grow apart  once the initial enthusiasm of a new relationship faded. As hard as I tried, I could not see them as a couple. I told myself it was my opinion and  I could be entirely wrong.

Since that night, whenever K calls me it is always about how Allen's interest in her seems to be fading and how he tells her nothing has changed and its all in her imagination. She is not convinced and asks me what she should do. She wonders if she should break up and move on but likes him too much to muster the courage to do so. The longer she waits the more she will hurt.Though she lives with her family, she can't share any of this with them. Each time we talk about Allen, I feel guilty. Maybe I could have saved her from all the pain by telling her the whole truth but what if I had been wrong.

Another news came to me this week my close friend S divorced (yes the same S mentioned above). A few years ago when I came to know that my close friends S & AS got married, the news hit me like a bullet. I was happy for her, but at the same time angry that she did not tell me (not that I would have attended their wedding, but I was trying hard to hook her up with Y at that time...well now thats a long story...will tell you more some other day). I was concerned about that relation right from the moment I heard the news. I knew I could not talk her out of it this time around  (I did once in 2002 when the two planned to elope and asked me to help them out). The reason I thought they would never click was though their approach to life is different, the two are similar in character. They have two lovely kids, I feel sad for them though. Well when I met her online the other day, confessed that I always knew the two would not work out and had wanted to warn her. She asked me "Why didn't you ?" my answer was no different from my reasons for not wanting to tell K that she and Allen will not work. There is a fine line between honesty and presumption and I fear to cross it. We just let them slide down the  slippery slope of mistakes. I confess I'm guilty