I've been tagged!!

Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4… "Give me your card, I'll have one of them telephone you, they'll set a date to meet with you anywhere at your convenience"

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can & catch air? –  TV remote

What is the last thing you watched on TV? – Masterchef Australia

Without looking, guess what time it is? – 3:00 pm

Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? – 3:30 pm

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? –Maggi ad on the TV,the ceiling fan in my living room, washing machine… and my thoughts yelling at me!!

When did you last step outside? What were you doing? –  Evening, yesterday, vegetable market.

Before you started this Q&As, what did you look at? – I saw that my friend namita tagged me!!

What are you wearing? – Tee and capri

When did you last laugh? – when I read what she wrote in her tag :D

What is on the walls of the room you are in? – switchboard :P

Seen anything weird lately? – yep and it can't get any weirder than that... I have seen an army of ants marching towards my left leg :D :P

What do you think of this quiz? – stupid!!

What is the last film you saw? – See Spot Run

If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy? – The saint in me says Pay off all my loans and distribute the rest, but the kind of sinner I'm I want to travel the world, visit Moulin Rogue and do some cha cha cha ;) :P

Tell something about you that people dunno! – I have a secret crush on my doc :P

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? – Clean the dirt,  environmental, political all kinds

Do you like to Dance? – Yay yay yay

Would you ever consider living abroad? – nope not in a gazillion years

What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? –  Uhh I know you did this just to eliminate competition :D :P

—

Whoever wants to pick up this tag – feel free to take it up!

Boys without names

I love to read, novels specially. I always wonder how people detail everything when they write some 400 odd pages of story full of fiction without losing the flavour and me on the other hand struggle to make sense in the once in a while post of my day to day happenings. Well talking about authors my current favourites are Indian authors, that is because you can always relate to the place in which the story is set, the people, the food, the culture, the essence of the land.

My latest read is a book by Kashmira Sheth called "Boys without Names" . The story is about a boy and his family and how they move from a village to Mumbai, in search of a better life. The story is about how the city of dreams turns out a nightmare when the boy gets trapped in a world of child trafficking forced to work for a ruthless master in a factory of beaded picture frames. The kids are locked up in dungeons, fed just to keep their hearts pumping, they are neither allowed to reveal their names nor allowed to talk to one another. They are never let out of the dungeon but for once in a while errand. The kids are thus deprived of good food, fresh air and sunlight.

The story made me cry (I'm not stone hearted after all!!). When we hear of these kind of atrocities against kids, for a second we are happy that our kids are safe and make us all the more protective so that things like that do not happen to our kids. Once I finished reading I was happy as well as sad...happy because the book had a happy ending, Gopal, the protagonist, the kid from the village, could read and write. So while he went out on the once in a while errand he handed over a message to the shopkeeper asking him to help them out. The shopkeeper promptly informs police and the kids are reunited with their families. "Aall izz well" my heart cried out!!

But does it happens in the real world?? There are thousands or lakhs of kids around the world who face a similar situation. Do kids like Gopal  get reuinted with their  family? Do we even care?? this makes me sad :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Happy birthday!!

Uhh!! no I wasn't wishing Mr. Amitabh Bachchan...I was wishing my blog!! UNBELIEVABLE :D
Well!...an year ,since I started my blog, Soon I found a new 'Zest', a sort of happiness,fulfillment and self-satisfaction...virtual friends with whom I share a lot...Just to describe the  happenings in my life, thoughts/rants and share my interests,the blog proved to be perfect media!! I'm starting another blog today its called what's cooking?? hope you would like it too :)

I, me and Nostalgia

I was reading a friend's blog… things, she wrote around her wedding, you know before and after… and it woke the ‘emotional Leo’ up! Looking back at the last 3 and a half years of married life… it’s such a mixed feeling…Life changes!!

I still remember how! People said that – marriage changes your life. Well agreed!! But what I do not agree to is the look they had on their face while saying this… I'm a person who believed that marriage is going to be the best thing that will ever happen to me…and oh boy, was I right!!

 Everyone around me was shocked when I told them that I am getting married (yes, I got married at a point where I was least expected to do so)… it was soooo unlike me… but the fact  is that people never actually knew me… some of them still don’t! Sometimes I wonder if anyone has ever known  the real "me"… aah I guess not! And the truth is that till one particular stage in life, I didn’t reveal my true identity to anyone not even to my bloody own self… and one day the curtains raised and I was alarmed…rather surprised…You don’t realize your strengths till you are in the testing waters…. you don’t have a clue about your weaknesses till you face them…  you do not  know yourself till you confront!!

Its strange…how you can comepletely alienate yourself from the world sometimes. Everyone seems a stranger… everything seems irrelevant. Only memories rule! Oh man, I am so waiting for my December vacation… I promise myself to relive those magical moments with friends and family…all of them :) ;) :D :P

Walking the tightrope

Sometime back, I was watching an interview of a very eminent female who has been quite successful in her field of interest . Quite impressed by her personality, I was very keenly watching her interview. Every word coming out from her mouth seemed to be so relevant & perfect. Finally the interviewer asked her few questions about her personal life and her one answer suddenly changed my whole perspective about her. With that one answer of her, everything seemed to be so umm what you call... distant!!. Suddenly, I felt that I can never become like her…Just few minutes back, I was admiring her & wanted to be like her & her just one single sentence about her personal life made me realize that I can’t be as successful as her. Well, her that one sentence was – “SUCCESS DOESN'T COME WITHOUT ANY SACRIFICE & FOR HER SUCCESS SHE HAS SACRIFICED HER FAMILY LIFE”. She wanted to move ahead in her life & after marriage she realized that her time was getting divided between work & home. Because of her demanding nature of work, she was finding it difficult to cope with the situation & so she finally decided not to have any child at all as she never wanted to have further responsibilities. She never regretted her decision of not having a child as she was knowing that she would have never attained this success if she would have gone ahead with a child in her life.Huh!! you call this success??

Well, frankly speaking even I grew up in my life with some fiery ambition & big dreams in my eyes. Got married couple of years & suddenly the whole life changed. I quit my job, buried my dream of getting a degree. Suddenly I found people judging me. I have advises pouring in all directions, people talking about independence, individuality and complex stuff like that. Its very simple  look at it this way, I'm no super woman who can manage the time that gets divided between home and work.Working after marriage would mean, you are not only supposed to perform only one role in your office & be evaluated by your boss rather should be juggling between so many roles in your life & there are so many people who evaluate you for the different roles. Who would want that?? Ok I may sound a li'l cynical here, but frankly all this would sound "wow" initially and we ignore the situations that would follow. Its quite natural, that your personal time would also get split between two fronts of your life – work & home. You  always trying to strike a balance between work & home and sometimes get quite frustrated when you are not able to satisfy either. As you start to grow on a professional level or have the taste of success things turn upside down (believe me on this one) .... there are few inevitable questions that arise  and really scare you  about the days when you will have a family, as in your heart  you are very much aware that a child will be onset of some huge responsibilities in your life.

I know so many females who are also struggling hard to strike a perfect balance between work & home. Even though they were highly ambitious, their career had taken back seat because of their families. They had literally burnt themselves in this so called “balancing act”. They had given off their dreams of becoming some CEO or MD or XYZ of some big company. On the other hand there are few who are aware of the consequences & the cost which they will have to pay, then too  would like to work. as personally I think life gets completed only after having a child & family. I am fully aware of the fact  that one will have to trade off the big dreams & ambition for having a family life but then too want to go ahead with my family life.
So many females like me just try hard to strike a perfect balance between work & home but striking a balance generally leads to a mediocre level career & a mediocre level home - maker. The moment one tries to attain something big or excellent on either front of life, the pointer of the balance gets tilted to that particular side & the other side gets a li'l neglected. So, the next step will be either to reduce the efforts towards attaining that big/excellent thing and bring the pointer to balanced position or choose any one of the sides. I seriously wonder, if there is anything known as “PERFECT BALANCE” between two fronts of life where you achieve good at both the fronts or is it always a “TRADE OFF” between the two!!

The "Ex" Factor!!

I have been thinking of posting about this since a week now, but I got busy with reading The Indian Constitution :D Naah!! I’m not showing off, I’m just telling you so that even you would make an attempt to read it. So what is my current post about?? Anna hazare?? Lokpal?? Nope ....this blog is meant for my personal thoughts about my life and happenings in my life and the people I care about. Ok now don’t start off with don’t you care for the country, yeah yeah I do...but EoD its family first :P. I thought of posting this a week ago, but as usual was caught up in the web of doing too many things at a time. I spoke to one of my friends the other day he sounded low as he broke up with his girl friend, as usual I enquired him what the reason was and prepared myself to give him my piece of advice :D. After hearing him out patiently, my first thoughts were...dude how couldn’t you see it coming?!?!? Were you that blinded??

Well here is what happens.....It all starts with seeing a face, a certain light of smile and a tenor of voice that speaks of an inexplicable, unknown connection. It is an attraction strong enough to overcome that inner voice of caution that urges you to resist, to desist. You feel it the first time and every time. This is a charge that does not fade over time, it only grows stronger. This person is not your type in more ways than you can count. It is the relationship you get into fully prepared to be hurt and also know it will lead absolutely nowhere.

And yet, against your better judgment you allow your heart and soul into it, sometime rushing headlong in a state of euphoria or slowly, dreamlike almost unaware of what is happening to you. The magic lasts for a while and then suddenly the spell is broken, you begin to hurt past the threshold of pain. Your preparedness for disappointment is not nearly enough for what comes when the end comes as it inevitably must. You remain in denial as you try to cope, regain the life you had before you met this person. You ask yourself why you allowed this to happen knowing fully well such would be the consequences.

You want to gouge out the best and worst memories of your time together because echoing emptiness is better than searing pain. I feel it is your debt of karma and that must be paid. You suffer until there is nothing left to burn and turn to ash. One day you realize your atonement is over and you are finally free. You see that face again and this time that charge is simply not there. The same tilt in a smile and a tenor of voice but it no longer resonates with you. That is when you know you are truly over.

You can sit down and have a coffee together, chat about life and work, shake hands and leave promising to catch up another time fully knowing you never will - there will be no urge to do so. When you walk out on the street and see their form melting into the crowds, and feel no stab of pain in your heart, you know that you are free at last. You can feel the wind in your hair, notice the wildflowers seeking out a life in the cracks of the sidewalk - you know what it is to feel alive again - specially when you have no debts left to pay.

Tagged again!!

He/she, you, they - almost everyone is being tagged…how come nobody tagged me?
Well, for tagging someone, you have to think of someone, sigh… and I am so happy that my blogger friend thought about me and wants to know more about me.

This TAG is for 10 things that emotionally tax me and I’m calling it ‘My Pet Aversions’.
I dont know about the exact precedence of the list below, but these definitely sap me out:

1.Injustice to women: I hate men who treat women like lesser beings and also in many cases, like doormats. Some call me a feminist and so I am.

2.Show Off – This is something that makes me cringe. I have always been a firm believer of: ‘Substance over form’. And though I agree that some form is mandatory to hold the substance but vain,  form with no substance is like empty beautifully-wrapped  gift adorning a Christmas tree at a corporate party.

3.Breaking promises: I hate breaking promises and when someone does that to me. I believe in – do what you say or don’t say it. Keeping your word even in the smallest things speaks volumes of your character.

4.Unsolicited Advice: Some people designate themselves the counselors of all humanity I donot mind that, I'm like that at times, but few want to ram down their opinion down your throat. Its difficult for them to understand that – I'm ready to listen, but at the EoD I choose to be what I am.

5.Sugar-coating the neem: I hate glib and smooth talkers who make it difficult to discern the venom under the honey. I believe in calling a spade a spade, because that’s what it is. And sometimes, if you dig your teeth inside the sugar-coating, the stark bitterness makes you gag your guts out.

6.Manipulating Others: Some people spend better parts of their day in analyzing how they can take advantage of others. And they twist your arm without you even knowing it and its too late to slip away ;-)

7.Letting out secrets to hurt a person: You trust somebody with a secret and they let the feathers out in the air to be blown everywhere. This is so hurtful and disrespectful.

8.Doing laundry in the public: You need to share your woes, that’s understandable and that’s human but I don’t agree with washing dirty linen in public, in front of people you hardly know!

9.Pretence: I believe people who try to be what they are not suffer from low self-esteem. Every individual is precious and different and one must respect one’s identity. I'd love to put it this way “Kauva chala hans ki chaal, chalte chalte apni bhi bhool gaya.”

10.Over-curiosity : Some people just don’t know when to stop and keep on shooting intrusive queries, no matter how much you try to convey your annoyance.
A good example is: How much do you earn?
I made up a standard answer to this quest:
"Bas daal-roti ke layak mil jaata hai, zyada kuchh nahin."

Well I pass it on to my friends and I TAG Shruthi Srivastav and Manish Gupta :D :P

Where is the Eve's share of Adam's apple?

I don’t know what was the relation between Adam and Eve, when they had no other human being around them….but now, when we have so many Adams and Eves around us, I don’t think that the two ever shared a relationship of equal chances and opportunities.

The blunt truth of all societies, taken from the ultra modern west to the dogmatic east is that females are always considered inferior to males. ‘Male is always greater than female’; this equation is so deep-rooted in the society that it would take eras to change and not to mention that tens of eras have already passed bringing no or minimal changes.

Equality does not mean that my daughter gets the same calories as my son, or I invest equal on both of them…..thankfully, a sector of Indian society has crossed a threshold, where equality meant food, clothing and education. But, we are still to cross some other thresholds in the society. And among all, the greatest is the barrier of mentality.

Indian or any other society could not have equality of subjects, till we develop the vision to see every one with a same eye. Ironically, a male grants an equal status to a girl till she is his colleague or a friend…or in better words, does not have the power to implement his say in her life. And this status evaporates when the same man turns up at his wife, daughter or even a committed girl friend. Why? Because, earlier the girl had a nuisance value, which she looses, as soon as she falls into a commitment.

This axiom that its impossible to understand a woman’s emotions is as baseless as the hopes of getting an emotional man. Men can be anything, but emotional. Don’t take me wrong. I am not against anyone. In fact, some of my best friends are male….but there are a certain features, which you would always find in them, wherever and whatever they are.

The feeling of ‘men are men’ never leaves them alone. Even if they are very patient, very friendly and very understanding, still, they would never be like your best female friends. You could never expect them to teach you anything without proving that you stand low before them. Yeah…..the style might differ from person to person, depending upon their education, family or temperament. But, then again after all men are men. Perhaps, this is hormonal and physiological.

Whatever……but the best thing for which I thank lord for making me a girl is the courage to ‘surrender’. This is the difference between the mentality of a man and a woman. While, for a man, capitulation means accepting the defeat….the woman simply moves away, because she knows that many times, you do not want to win because then you know you would loose everything. Also, where there is love, there is no place for conflicts and when there is no conflict then there is no possibility of defeat. She understands and thus accepts this, which her male counterpart doesn’t.

Whatever be the reason….but I have come across several men.....none of them were courageous enough to bow before a female. Why? This ‘why’ reveals the difference in mentalities between the two most beautiful creations of god….. which would take eras to get subtle.

Growing up

If you know me, or know someone who knows me, you will be privy to the fact that I am a sucker for festivals! I love them…the lights of Diwali, the colors of Holi, the cheer of Christmas ( as a kid this particular festival awed me, the idea of Santa awed me) , the biryani of Eid….all of them. Regardless of which faith they belong to, I love the fact that they are a reason for people to celebrate. To feel special and get a chance to do things to make others feel special. The same is the reason that I am crazy about birthdays / anniversaries and the like. Mine or someone else’s. I'm the sort of person who would go and tell everyone I know that my birthday/anniversary is coming up a month beforehand ( ha!! the countdowns on my networking sites ;) )…on the other hand, I am also the kind of person who would plan something special…a surprise …a gift…a single flower in the most unexpected of places…for people close to me. And I’ll let you in on a secret. I've a whole lot of ideas for surprises for all kinds of occasions and no I'm not sharing them with anyone :P

1st July has come and gone and I celebrated my ** birthday :P...celebrated?!?!? I'm not sure of that, I felt nothing special on that day, may be partly because of the fact that as a person I've grown by an year. I can't fake cheer right.... why is this happening?? Am I refusing to stop being a child? Does the innocence of magic and festivals and birthday excitement suit only children? Perhaps it’s time I should leave all this behind. The joy of giving gifts is paled when the person getting it is half as excited as you are….ofcourse because your childish excitement is difficult to match! Perhaps this New Year I won’t make a fuss about sitting at home and reading a book….and this diwali I won’t go to friends and family to distribute sweets, like we did back in hyderabad …sitting pretty with a cup of coffee would be more fitting.


I'm a person who sees too much in nothing ...and well nothing in the most amazing or grandest of things. I'm someone who tries to see the world in a grain of sand,  a garden in a single flower, an eternity in an hour....ha!! crazy??  I'm always in search of something that eludes me....perhaps it is me, I believe in magic and always hope something unbelievable happens...ha!! Y says, the truth is I have an enthusiasm of a kid....well may be, but there is no truth...its just human opinion after all....perhaps it’s time I grew up!!

Jai Ho!!

Ok..so, The peace is gone and the silence is shattered
My news paper reading habit is not very tasking. I do not scrutinize the news to every li’l bit. But yes, nevertheless I do read it. Being a fan of the written word, I appreciate the few interesting articles that feature in everyday news. These days however there are completely undeserving topics making the headlines. So that section is skipped most of the time. The editorials are a must read. I remember days when editorials were diplomatic, many of them used to ponder around the topic at hand and yet did not take a stand on the topic. These editorials were making people think. Their thought were theirs, but ends none of their own. Today it has degraded to the extent of favoring a particular view. The Editorial board does realize the power of the medium and hence would exploit it to the maximum. Does this ring a bell? On the lines of the news channels? Hmmmm… That’s another very sad story. Common sense is so un-common these days! I feel I am moving  away from my initial thought.
So what’s with the news you ask? Here goes. You may have read or even written down on the topic of  action against corruption or social evil of any kind. There was an article about how media (news channels) was exploiting few issue for their TRPs... all seen. I spoke to a friend who was a freelance journo sometime back, I asked him if he's with any of the leading newspapers..he said he did not want to. I get it, when people want you to write their opinions instead of just plain unadulterated news, how can the janata take a stand on anything?. Sadly a dismal amount of people are actually out there for whom real news matters and are willing to give it to the world. Before we know it, we may well be buying a newspaper  run and controlled by a certain political party of our interest. All these days I thought it was weird when people recommended someone from the same caste as theirs for jobs....now I feel it was nothing . I may be exaggerating a li'l here but  we all may have learnt about  social evils in school, I wonder how much things would change when our kids learn about the same. I don't feel like reading the newspaper any more.
Anyways, that’s just the "anti" spirit writing. But then, the question remains.  Can Indian politics practice before it Preaches!?!?!?!?!

When the firewalls catch fire

I first watched the report on the possibility of world ending and wiping out all life on the planet (by some meteor collision) on Discovery channel a long time ago and I was worried, being somewhat more indulgent of my imagination than most people, I was scared to death by the report. That night I insisted on keeping awake and talk as much as I can to Y (about the little future/life we had on the planet) ....yeah that was my foolproof solution to every problem, even a daunting one like the end of the world. For days after watching that show, I would scan the night sky for any sign of anything suspicious in the sky. With the passage of time, the terror of the world ending thing also loosened its grip from my mind, and life went on.

Now, suddenly, I realize that a meteor collision sounds like diwali cracker compared to what people keep doing to each other in this seriously strange world. When bombs go off in a crowded pre-Diwali market in Goa, when people going about their business are blown to bits in Mumbai locals, again and again and again. A shake of the head, a few brief comments and condolences, breaking news spattered with blood, strategic thinkers and lobbyists on the news, muttering at dirty politicians trying to extract mileage. Life goes on, and the ones who have been hurt shed tears in the process. Well for ages India has been a soft target, Indians have notoriously short memories and we all wear pretty tags around our necks labelling us 'Muslims' and 'Hindus' and 'Jews' and 'Westerners' so that the next gunmen can pick out which ones they want to target next time. These days even the other side wears labels like 'Islamic terror', 'Hindu terror' and terror of other denominations, because maybe their killing styles are different. Time isn't really the greatest healer, but indifference is. We continue doing our mundane jobs while somewhere another young man is taught that ending our lives arbitrarily is “the” way to set everything right in his world, to end the cycle of poverty, misery, misunderstanding and ghettoisation ( is that a word??) that he deals with everyday. 

So, who are these people who play with us? Why are they so easy to 'brainwash'? Why are there so many of them willing to kill? How desperate are the lives of those who pick up guns to settle scores with unknown, uncomprehending victims of their rage? When you make people believe that a shortcut exists which will take care of all their problems right away. Instead of telling them that it takes hard work and years of it, to build schools and generate jobs and start businesses, to pave roads and build houses and make women feel a degree of safety on the streets, to give children a wholesome childhood and to make life what it should be, you create a bloodthirsty race of terrorists who are themselves too scared of their own reality and seek quick fixes for everything. Well, wake up and look around. Things won't change because you jump on a boat with a bag full of bullets and dry fruits with frenzied visions of martyrdom in your eyes. Every life that you take is a complexity of nerve and blood, bone and muscle, complex beyond your imagination, something you cannot even comprehend, let alone give back. And yet, it takes you not a moment to tear it apart. I fervently hope that you live with the crushing weight of possibility held by each life that you pulled out so casually. I hope the guilt never leaves you alone, not even for a moment. 

I wonder if we will ever feel safe again, even if we could insist on sleeping next to our mother/father/best friend/spouse. I wonder if we'll ever get a voter ID and actually do our bit instead of wondering how people like this keep getting elected. In the meantime, there's always next time, and life goes on.

Three years with the weird me ;)

"How do you do that??" asked Y, I don't know I just know .....when it comes to Y I know exactly what goes on in his mind given a point of time. He says he couldn't ever figure me, that I'm unpredictable and full of surprises (yes even after 3 yrs :P). I looked at his PoV, and thought let me see if I can dig deeper. 


* I like quiet. I like to be left alone, I would be cranky and ready to snap if I hear noise as soon as I wake up. Especially when the alarm buzzes ( Y has "mein hoon DON" song as his alarm tone can you believe it)


* I like very hot food (hot refers to the taste and not the temperature). I can't eat food that is bland  I don't like much oil and dislike fried snacks. I love cheesy, buttery concoctions though.


* Y loves the colour pink on me, but I dislike it to the core, yet I ended up with the colour in wardrobe.I usually avoid wearing it because of the stereotypes associated with it....you know girls and the pink connection.


*I hate if someone makes a mess after I clean. People who throw/spill stuff and make a mess and expect others to clean annoy me.


*I flare up very easily. But I usually have the self-control not to show it. If you come across people who call me short-tempered you should just dismiss it and wonder/understand how long I've been putting up with it.


*I am not overall very quick, I'm an extremist when it comes to emotions, unlike the composed picture of myself I like to present to the world. I might have one interesting conversation with someone and end up thinking about it for a few days. I might have one disturbing conversation and rant about it for hours. I stay up at nights worrying when something goes slightly wrong, and flushed with excitement when something is more right than usual. All that makes me a "volatile" person to live with, and it is to the Y's credit that he doesn't complain. 

Tress Mess

As a kid and in my teens, having been endowed with thick long tresses , it was always my secret passion to have short bobbed hair which was just becoming a fashion then. Now there were two problems with cutting my hair - will my family agree to it??and what if my hair doesn't grow to be long again?? - a girl putting scissors to her hair was surely an inauspicious sign(which i secretly did.....twice). Anyway having entered high school in 1994 I had to do something to prove that I was a rebel too and in tune with the times. But not having the means to afford a parlour, I cut my hair  myself (not the length but a few strands on either sides of the forehead. And for many days, no one took notice of it, until one day when my mom was plaiting my hair she couldn't get a hold on those tiny strands (which started to grow). She asked if I experimented on my hair (well an indirect way of asking if I tried to cut it :P). I got nervous, yet I bluntly replied that I did not. She already knew I was lying. Days passed I started to feel I made a mistake, the growing strands became a huge distraction, they kept falling in my eyes. At one point I started to look like a bull with twisted horns. Finally the day came when even my parents felt I should get my hair cut...I was excited,. My first hair cut was a deep "U" cut. The next day my friends bemoaned the loss of such "beautiful" hair which they would have given an arm and a leg to have and of course my grandmother  thought that it was a sure sign of Kaliyuga and all the bad things that were to mark the end of the world.

Have you noticed that people tell you how beautiful your hair was only after it is lost - as if they never noticed it all the time it was on your head?

Once I was married to a man who didnt notice if I was totally bald or had my hair matted like a sadhu in Kailash, my adventures with the hairdressers began. The thing about most of these people in the parlours is that they never suggest what will look good on you but will ask you what you want. After several attempts at imitating the hair styles of almost all the happening ones from bollywood with totally disastrous results, one day I acquired the Gyan (under a hairdresser's shears) that to look like them the hair style wasnt enough, you needed a beautiful face to go along! So now I needed someone who would tell me what would go with my face - so that was when I came across  this fancy hairdresser  who  supposedly  had magic hands. So I put my hair in his hands literally and came out looking like a famous personality :D. Finally just as I had found the right cut that looked dignified 


I decided I would grow my hair again,  now I let it grow anyway it liked and loved the freedom. Just like many other realisations that occur to you when you are almost 30, I realised that I should have let my hair as it was in my teens and that life would have been more peaceful. Oh, but what is life without youthful follies! So slowly the problems started with hair receding on the forehead, and my "rich" experience was beginning to show in a sudden acquisition of a silver crown. People started saying "you looked younger with short hair". In stead of telling them and myself, " I was actually younger then remember?!"I started believing them. So like an addict reverting to her old habit, I went back to the parlour the other day hoping things would have changed.

Guess what? Somethings never change.

That day my usual hairdresser wasn't available, so the lady with the scissors asked me what I wanted!
The dumb fool that I am, I showed the picture of Bipasha Basu in a magazine advertisement for diamonds.

Was that a suppressed smile on the hairdresser's face or did I imagine it?

The Princess and the FROG(S)

I was scanning through the newspaper the other day and came across an article about the present day love and how that people now-a-days do not look for the typical fairytale romance. After reading the article I felt like that was exactly what I've been hearing from my friends. Coming to the issue that I have heard from the constant outpourings from friends here is a feeling of extreme emotional vulnerability. This state of mind is particularly confusing to  women and is prominent in those who view themselves as liberated, open-minded and a person doing as they please without being held back by the expectations of the society they live in.


Some twenty years ago in India, it was rare for women to be in a physically intimate relationship before marriage, guess that has since changed. Women going out with colleagues, spending more time with friends than with spouses (I still wonder if they really have to....or simply because they want to)   and in the due course of time develop a kind of bond (be it physical / emotional). I call it the "KANK" effect. Those who moved to the west at the time were able to bring such change into their lives. "Empowerment" to live freely came to both (west and east), but only at different times in their lives. Well, well  all sounds good.  Girls/women today no longer feel that their net worth in the marriage market is dependent entirely on the possession of their “V”.  Strangely, other problems have taken their place.....in the brave new world, Indian women are willing and able to enter into a physically intimate relationship without having a wedding date calendared. However, to avoid the feelings of guilt associated with being in such a state, they allow (umm well I feel require) love to lead them there.


So when men are simply not prepared to take on the responsibility of marriage, but want to continue in a friends plus benefits arrangement, women start to become progressively unhappy and unsure, if what they got in to is what they really want. The happiness of uncontrolled or unquestionable freedom is scarred by a troubling sense of doubt and hopelessness. It doesn’t stop there, to make the matters worse, the man suddenly turns into Mama's boy who allows his family to find him a bride and pretends the relationship did not even exist. Often, that's where a girlfriend (like me huh!!)  is called and gets to be the much needed shoulder to cry


As much as I want to be helpful to my friends in times of distress, I can't  help but point out the terrible flaws in their ways. I don’t say I’m a saint or have any kind of moral high ground. I have told several of them that they need to attune a little and things will improve dramatically. They should get their heads in place and there is absolutely no need to perpetuate a very temporary thing into an unnecessary relationship in order to feel less immoral about it (life would be much simpler and happier if we can undo things we regret about). To get on to your feet, in a situation like this it is not enough to merely shed physical inhibition (which clearly they have already done), when you have made your choice, it is far more important to rise above and shed the moral ones  as it poses a subtle but dangerous obstacle in the process of the so-called “being –free/ independent”.


When a woman senses the need for intimacy and does not bother to go out of the way, It's fair to tell a man that's what it's going to be - a short duration liaison with no strings attached and they can go their separate ways after that, rather than forcing him in to something that he’s not ready for. In a way she opens the door for emotional entanglement herself - something I notice girls/woman cannot handle too well. One woman said "That's like making me “Use & throw". I completely agree, it’s just a point of view, in such a case the rules of engagement should be made clear from the start. Men generally like women to be emotionally involved while in a "relationship". To them intimacy without that connection is often quite meaningless. Many will never agree to be part of such an arrangement. Having enjoyed the dominance of being the gender that decides when and how to end things, it may be quite painful not being able to do so.

I hear from my girlfriends about what they go through in the process of trying to find (and keep) love. Life is no fairy tale girls...its more like a quick sand, the more you panic/worry,in situations like this, the deeper you sink.....so stop thinking, pick up the pieces and get a hold on your life. These modern day Cinderellas do not/cannot wait for their prince with the glass slipper to show up and are willing to kiss as many frogs along the way to finding their “Prince”. Somewhere in that confused  mixture  of fairy tale references of life, the frogs  remain frogs and the glass slipper goes missing and  the prince who was supposed to find them...never shows up!!

My name................My business

Sorry guys, I was down with flu/flu like something so could not post. I was busy cleaning/ arranging/rearranging things at home sometime back and came across something which I forgot existed....my “Marriage Certificate” (got it done almost a year after wedding).  After I have been married, a lot of people (mostly friends and relatives) have asked me "So what is your name now?" to which I politely replied "I am planning to retain my maiden name." I got mixed reactions about this decision, some people shrug it off, some people were surprised, but the worst kind (let me not take names) questioned my decision. I thought I was done talking about it, but the other day someone I know well, asked me for my e-mail address and when I gave them, there was an instant reaction “ohh so you are still SURI huh??”

OK, so listen up!! My name...... My business, is that surprising huh? I am sure there are plenty of women out there, who go about embracing the husband’s last name or as in my husband’s (maharastrian) custom even changing their first name without a thought. I have no opinion or rather I’m no one to sit and judge their decision. As for myself, I’m fine retaining my maiden name. What is the big deal?? I mean should I be changing my surname, just because its mentioned in my marriage certificate...how lame is that?? My blog, my email ids, passport, bank accounts, PAN card, insurance policies and what not...all have my maiden name. Why should I go through the pain of updating so much when it can be done with minimum effort!! Well I sign “SURI”, not “PHADKE” because I feel SURI has a nice ring to it. To me ANURADHA SURI is a brand ;) I am not going to change that...ever. My marriage is the most important part of my life, read that properly, it is *the* most important thing in my life, yet, I see no reason to change my name especially when the crazy me loves it ;)

Well there is nothing wrong with my husband’s last name but I see no logic in giving up mine. If I ever get bored with being a SURI (which I know I never will) or feel like I need a change I will change it ,but that will be my decision and not something that comes in the package when one marries. So people who think that a woman who is old enough to make decisions in life, can't take a decision about her name, think again. Thank you :|

The Ugly Truth

Unlike most of the girls, I used to dislike flowery worded letters in my teens,  yet collected the matter from old greeting cards( to help my friends write love letters :P).  I have trashed many cards and letters given to me without even opening. Not that I was a beauty queen or had an air about myself or something, when it came to looks I was aware of the fact that I score a straight F and it was hard to believe when somebody actually approached me with a rose. That was the prime reason why kept breaking hearts before somebody could break mine. I always  thought that there was someone special for me and that he would approach me somedayand I would know that he's the one. Years passed, people in my life changed, but the thought never left me.By the year 2000 I had a lot of friends, most of them being boys, I was labelled for having a lot of “male friends”. Me being me I did not care because somewhere deep down I was still searching for that special someone. A lot of my friends, good friends even some of my close friends proposed me during this time, but somehow I could not establish a connection  beyond friendship. Once I graduated, I got busy with applying to the universities and taking entrance exams for admissions in to Masters. Friends’ circle changed yet again, but few Oldie-Goldie ones stuck around.

One day as I came home all frustrated from my dissertation, I found a piece of paper in one of my books. “My world is mute and empty without you” were the words and these words got me curious. These words just seem to have struck the right chords and I was desperate to find out who had written it. After all the search & research I came to know that it was written by AM. Initially I was surprised to know that he had written the note and was shocked when I learnt that the note was for me. I was like “henh!!??” That day I had seen a completely different side of him. I mean, I've known him for quite sometime, I  was surprised....really surprised. I appreciated his honesty though, but at the same time had a thousand questions about things he did for me (guess intention is the right word...no offense AM). The confidence and simplicity in the proposal wanted me to say "YES" ...but I kept him waiting  for nearly 4 years.  I needed time to think. I was getting sick with the stress of not having anyone to confide in and talk my fears out. That was when S & AS two of my very close friends stepped in to support me. They were as naive and inexperienced as I was (ok let me not say inexperienced ... because they were seeing each other secretly for quite some time then). I really wanted give it a try though there was no instantaneous connection, the only reason being that he was a good friend of mine and we had known each other for 6 years then. Though the idea of spending a lifetime with someone you know sounds exciting....but how well do you know the person?? I did not want to regret the decision I took nor wanted to compromise on what life I was going to lead  So what happened?? Nothing!!

Why am I talking about all this!! A month ago, my friend K sent me an e-mail with her boyfriend’s pic attached.She comes from a  family which believes that the only way to marry is to have the parents arrange it. Needless to say, they knew nothing of the existence of ALLEN. I came to know a lot about him through K's e-mails and few pictures and video clips that she sent me in the days that followed.Late one night when I was half asleep, K called to ask the inevitable question "So what did you think of him ?" I know of no other question that is quite as difficult to answer. My answer was truthful but incomplete. I told her I thought Allen was a decent guy, easy to like and talk to. Well, the part that I did not tell her was that I could see no real spark between them and feared they would grow apart  once the initial enthusiasm of a new relationship faded. As hard as I tried, I could not see them as a couple. I told myself it was my opinion and  I could be entirely wrong.

Since that night, whenever K calls me it is always about how Allen's interest in her seems to be fading and how he tells her nothing has changed and its all in her imagination. She is not convinced and asks me what she should do. She wonders if she should break up and move on but likes him too much to muster the courage to do so. The longer she waits the more she will hurt.Though she lives with her family, she can't share any of this with them. Each time we talk about Allen, I feel guilty. Maybe I could have saved her from all the pain by telling her the whole truth but what if I had been wrong.

Another news came to me this week my close friend S divorced (yes the same S mentioned above). A few years ago when I came to know that my close friends S & AS got married, the news hit me like a bullet. I was happy for her, but at the same time angry that she did not tell me (not that I would have attended their wedding, but I was trying hard to hook her up with Y at that time...well now thats a long story...will tell you more some other day). I was concerned about that relation right from the moment I heard the news. I knew I could not talk her out of it this time around  (I did once in 2002 when the two planned to elope and asked me to help them out). The reason I thought they would never click was though their approach to life is different, the two are similar in character. They have two lovely kids, I feel sad for them though. Well when I met her online the other day, confessed that I always knew the two would not work out and had wanted to warn her. She asked me "Why didn't you ?" my answer was no different from my reasons for not wanting to tell K that she and Allen will not work. There is a fine line between honesty and presumption and I fear to cross it. We just let them slide down the  slippery slope of mistakes. I confess I'm guilty

Cold Play :P

 With the season changing, it is time for nasty allergies and viral infections.Most of you  probably called in sick one time or the other, but when it comes to a working couple, did you and your spouse both fell sick and took the day off at the same time?  If you did not, let me tell you. This situation provides an opportunity to explore the weird romantic in you. The two of you falling sick, laying in bed with sore throat, running nose, cough and high fever,  doesn’t mean you can’t make it romantic and fun.

Here are a few things to do to spice up your sick day:

1. To start the day, sit in the balcony and chat over a hot cup of Kaaddha/ Kashaayam  (thera-flu)

2. Thermometer race (you will need two): stick digital thermometers in your mouth and the one who beeps first....WINNER!!....in case you have the regular one see who hits the highest ;)

3. Practice Synchronized Coughing...who knows it might get included in Olympics few years from now.

4. Imitate movie stars with your sore throat aided husky voice

5. Try this one, on the similar lines of "who stares for the longest"...."who stays the longest without wiping the nose ;)

6. Time to press the right buttons....this is an amazing time for 69!! nooo you perverts.... I meant give each other foot massages.

7. You all  played beer games, didn’t you?  Try this: bottoms up cough syrup.

8. Can you hit the magic 1 minute mark....try kissing each other when you have blocked noses....how long can you hold your breath??

9. Show your better half how much you love him/her exchange your inhalers/nasal sprays

SICK...... I know :P

ahem....ahem...any news??

Well it feels good to be back and posting. I was in hyderabad for a li'l family affair. Had a good time with friends and family. One can never get tired of their hometown, this was what I thought all this time, but this time around things were different.....hyderabad seemed different, with the Telangana Agitation, call for bandh every 3rd day, greedy autorickshaw drivers demanding more money.....it felt YUCK. To add to all this frustration...everyone looking at my tummy expectantly ......“Any good news?” enquired my sixty something neighbour aunty, as I stood outside the door waiting for my mom to open the lock. This year, my summer break in hyderabad began on that note. A deep interest displayed by a variety of people in our society – the servant maid,  wife of the neighbourhood apartment's  watchman, a friend’s mother, as they bump into any twenty something married girls they know.

The day before, I had invested about three hours of my journey time mentally preparing clever remarks that I would come back with to tackle the profound curiosity of  friends, family and acquaintances about the success stories of my sex life. Yet, as I stood in front of a familiar face, no witty response came to my mind. Instead, I found myself mumbling something like “Not this time” and hastily walking away, realizing that no amount of preparation can train you for the bullet

    "Any good news?"

The bad news is that it is launched infinite times, restrained and otherwise by a number of ‘relatives and friends’ and by the end of my stay, I had heard it all -

 from the cautious - Are you and your husband happy?

the suggestive -    Hasn't it been three years since your wedding?

the overly smart - Your classmate XYZ has named her second daughter ABC

and the outspoken - When is your mother going to have a grandchild to play with?

This time there were even  orders

    By this time next year you should be in the family way!

No kidding – by this time next year. Clearly adding a branch to the family tree is that straightforward.

Do not misunderstand me. I'm neither against the idea of having a family nor the frequent queries and suggestions annoy me. I only find it tedious to explain my life's plan to every third person I bump in to. Sometimes I find myself questioning the motive when someone innocently picks my brain.....most of the time I fail to discover a reasonable answer.

Since pretending not to have heard the question never works with family who are adamant to hear your story, I often try the “My husband and I are living together under the same roof. Isn't that great news in itself ” Mostly it works. Other times I surrender and listen to the scientific explanations and strong recommendations of these self-made family counsellors – “When I was twenty eight, I had my 3rd child”  said an acquaintance (Clearly your recreation options back then were rather limited!), I was silently praying to end the conversation. After all, the REAL good news is that these nosy friends and relatives are an exclusive summer special this time.

Back in Goa once as I waited for the doctor at his clinic, a lady sitting beside me literally scanned my tummy with her eyes, when she realized that I caught her staring, she gave me that universal sweet smile. I knew what she was about to ask me, so without wasting her time I said "the tummy just looks big...but there is nothing inside". She was shocked for a second and then went red with embarrassment. Get one thing straight I can't be like others, I can't talk about things like why, when and how I plan to have kids, nor I keep pressing others to answer these questions.

As for my own parents and immediate family - they are not worried...Life is a jigsaw...every piece its takes time .....this one too will fall in to place.

  My mom says "Leave it to God. He will make it happen when the time is right"

Easy. Isn't it?

Oh wait – Why is God a ‘He’? Well that calls for an entirely different post, doesn't it? ;) :P

Battlefield SCIENCE

I struggled with weird phobia of facing the Math  exams when I was in high school. Once I reached college, I decided to kick my mental block and did something very adventurous…insane is probably the right word to use here.

While choosing subjects for my 2 year intermediate course (11^th & 12^th) I decided I would take up the subjects I most struggled with. I picked Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry as my main subjects and Sanskrit as my language choice. My dad wanted me to become an engineer so I was attending the engineering entrance prep classes from 5-8AM every day for the entire 2 year period. That gave me enough opportunity to improve my Math ability. While I had to work hard for Math, I completely enjoyed Physics and Chemistry. I still do to this day. Though I could not get in to Engineering, I started to take interest in mathematics.

For my 3 year graduation course, I took up  Chemical technology which had Mathematics and Statistics to continue the metal-block kicking and Computer Science because I was drawn to it. Chem-tech was part fun and part pain. There were times when i cursed myself for electing the subject. I tasted failing in a subject that I loved for the first time. I failed in “Mass Transfer Operations-2” and had to re-take the exam. I fell short of the required 40%. I made a terrible mistake by attempting only 40% of the paper. My mind went blank that day when I saw the question paper (not that I was under prepared...I’m still trying to figure out the reason). I tried hard to think what was on the black board behind Mrs. Lalitha (the prof who took MTO-2 classes the entire semester) but I could not visualize it...all that came to my mind was the stupid comments and pranks we played in her class. It was a shame....nobody fails in MTO-2 its one of the core subjects.

I went on to do my Post graduation in Analytical chemistry. Chemistry had been my favourite subject ever since high school. It kind of gave me peace after a hectic math class. Once I started to work, life wasn’t easy. I learnt a lot during this phase, the most important lesson being I am not a super woman and that realization was hard to handle. My day started at 4:30 every morning and ended at 8:00 in the evening. I did not have time for anything else...at times when i met my friends few used to say they joined salsa classes or they were taking guitar lessons....damn I wish I could take some time out for something like that. I love to sing and dance...my training in Indian classical dance form ended abruptly due to demanding curriculum and cut throat competition. I’ve always been a decent singer , though  I did not have any kind of formal training I managed to sing well...but sometimes its frustrating when you know that you are a wasted talent.

It feels great to see Y have the natural ability with numbers (which I did not have) and his knowledge in music was an added bonus.This means two things 1) Someone up there must love me a lot for giving my better half (may be that’s the reason he’s called the “better” half) the exact same gifts that I badly wanted. 2) Y has his list of battles I guess.....I like the first point better J 

Procrastinated for good

I’ve been thinking about sorting some letters, documents, bills and stuff for quite some time. Its out of sheer laziness you can say, I’ve been putting this activity off. Finally it was last week that after much motivation  from my mom (by the way my mom is here and I’m loving it)  and coaxing from Y, I plunged in to the darkness of figuring what should be filed and what should be trashed. While rummaging through the piles of half useful and half worthless stuff, I came across an envelope. It was addressed to Y and without a doubt it was my handwriting. The little flick of a memory triggered an ocean of emotions and little did I realize that it halted the task I was doing forever.

Whow was my first reaction.....this was my first & last handwritten letter to Y. Well let me not insult it my calling it a letter..a memoir rather. It was a 12 page long one in which I was trying to propose him but couldn’t. Another one of such memoirs that I came across was the IM chat Y and me had the night he proposed (it was 25^th December 2007). I would not call it night, as our chat  began sometime around 10:00 PM to 8:00 am the next day and somewhere around 1:00am he proposed me J.Ohh what a pleasure it was to go through those pages (43 in total), I was back to that day.... that wonderful day/night. Page by page as I read it was like travelling back in time and reliving those moments again. Another one of those which delighted me was the menu for our wedding and reception. This one reminded me of all the efforts I put in arranging things for my wedding. I feel proud when people to this day say that the food at our wedding was one of the best  that they had. May be its true when they say “Hard work pays”. Then there was our wedding invitation, with hardly any time (that was because I wanted my wedding cards ready a month before the wedding, around the time of the engagement), I plagiarized the matter from few old cards (greeting cards and old wedding invitations).

My day had been made looking at all the stuff. If this is the feeling when we have been married for only 3 years...I blush at the thought, the magic this stuff will create when we read it say after 25 years?? J

An encounter with Solitude

Last sunday I had a great time. Sunday felt like Sunday after a very long time. The two of us went boating, watched the dolphins as the sun disappeared in to the horizon. After the drive, we religiously headed to the usual restaurant, had a good dinner and were back home. While lying on my bed I thought Sunday felt good and then suddenly I was  lying there and talking to myself. I realized that its been long since I have thought about myself. I have been busy with visiting others and others visiting me....but been long since I visited myself. For me, things have changed after marriage, I mean my personality, my priorities, my thoughts, my nature...and suddenly OMG!! I do not identify with my own self anymore. In the daily race between priorities of home and family, so many things have changed in me. Time for some introspection. I feel lonely most of the times and try to keep myself busy with stupid activities. Sadly I never tried to sit peacefully and think....about myself. I never liked being alone, somehow I was missing the absence of the others in my life and was not enjoying the presence of my own self. My encounter with solitude gave me a chance to think about myself.

As I lay in the bed I got so many answers to the burning questions in my life some silly and some serious. Well surprisingly it wasn’t anyone else who gave me the solutions rather it was me who made myself realize my troubleshooting potential....my inner strengths, my determination, ambitions, courage, dreams. I think in the daily rush and demanding relationships, I had lost myself. That night I rediscovered myself...thanks to my solitude. Till that day the word was just another word in the dictionary, but now i know the importance of it. It feels good to visit yourself once in a while and rekindle your inner strengths.

Men are from Mars!!

Hello all I apologise for the looooooooooong break, well not my fault (blame BSNL). I got my telephone and broadband shifted a couple of days back. Before I write anything, I would like to tell you all that I have nothing against the "SEX" mentioned below ( see I could have used the word "gender", but when its me who's writing you cannot expect sophistication). I dedicate this post to my husband whom I dearly love after all he's been the  inspiration (topic) for most of my posts. Let me make it clear to you all once again, I have nothing against men. Whoever said that "Men are from Mars" ..... very true, because few things they do are not earthly!!

Here are a few to name

1) Why do they take the news paper in to the toilet?? Once they do...they take eons of years     to come out.

2) Why do they like action packed movies?? does blood shed turn men on??

3) Why do they make faces when we take them shopping?? I mean how can somebody hate      something so wonderful as "SHOPPING"

4) Why do they (husbands) hate our male friends.I mean though my husband never put any   kind of restriction on me regarding this, he seems quite uncomfortable with the  idea.

5) Get one thing straight guys women take time to get dressed. Come on yaar unlike men    (who have nothing more to choose from shirts, t-shirts, trousers and jeans) women have to     choose from a wide range of clothing ( jeans, tops, t-shirts, salwar- kameez, lehenga-choli,      Sarees of different kinds, Skirts of various lengths). Hey that doesn't stop there, we have to      get the footwear and other accessories right too.

6) Who can tell what their favourite phrases are?? me..me!!  their favourite phrases are "kuch       bhi" & "Tumhari marzi"

   Jaanu mein party keliye kya pehnu??...."kuch bhi" or "tumhari marzi"

   Jaanu khane mein kya banaoon??........"kuch bhi" or "tumhari marzi"

7) Men suck when it comes to remembering things especailly dates. My husband keeps on     asking me "Jaan humaari shaadi kaunsi tareekh ko hui thi??". I'm glad that he atleast      remembers that we are married to eachother.

and finally the most amusing thing

8) Why can't they find a better place to put a wet towel other than the bed??