Well I'm sorry guys for not being able to post all these days. I did not have anything worthwhile to blog about. Now as I do...here I'm... No I'm not here to discuss the book by Marlo Schalesky, but to talk about things that took place around me in the past months
My friend's neighbour, a govt employee committed suicide by hanging herself at her house in Colva on Tuesday.The deceased Jeanna Periera (27), took the extreme step after she was reportedly told by a doctor that she had remote chances of conceiving. Jeanna was married to an employee of a private firm five years ago and the couple had absolutely no issues. She recently met a doctor who is said to have told her that she might not conceive.The incident came to light when her husband returned home in the evening. She has left a suicide note asking her husband to marry another girl.
The other day Y and me were discussing the same thing, where we spoke about this craving for children among humans, specially women. Last week while I was consoling an acquaintance who had a miscarriage, she asked me if I had any of my own. I donot know if the person agreed with me or she was just trying to see if I knew what i was talking about. I love kids, be it my own or those of others - I'd any day prefer to spend time with them than in the company of adults. I do not mind the demands on my time, energy and emotions but I don't think I'd have been shattered if I could not have one of my own. I believe a child doesn't necessarily have to have the stamp of my genes for me to love her/him.
Though most of the women today refuse to be stereotyped in many ways, it seems that many of them still feel inadequate when they cannot bear a child. One woman even told me that she saw it as a kind of personal failure. My jaw dropped (literally) when I heard her say that. I responded: 'What is the big deal? You cannot dance, you cannot sing, you cannot have a child. have you thought about adoption?' For a second she might have thought I was joking or even being insensitive.
I am quite aware of the age old stigma that used to be attached to a woman who was 'infertile'- there is even a specific word for such woman in Telugu. It is strange to see that there is no male equivalent to the same word!! Few months ago another friend of mine told me about the kind of insults that were thrown at her by her in-laws because she hasn't been able to give them a grandchild five or six years since her marriage. It was even more unfair because her doctor had cleared her of any possible gynac problem, but her in-laws refused to believe her. What is surprising is the husband preferred not to get in to the issue and let her deal with his parents. He neither did anything to stop his parents nor be emotionally supportive to his wife. And all this was happening not in some remote village in India but in a country in the western world where they had made their home. And the girl herself is a well-educated woman with a career. What surprised me in her story was not the attitude of her in-laws nope, given their age and background I would say they were bound to think the way they did.....but I was surprised that my friend and her husband were affected by all this to the extent their marriage was in trouble.
The ability to create a life is a special gift, a gift that nature has bestowed upon most women. I would say there is no reason to feel worthless if your body is not fit for the same. There are still ways to create meaning in life. It is not a handicap situation. Remember you are still a perfect person. My request to all the women out there...Please donot allow others to define you in terms of roles. For this you have to first stop seeing yourselves as these roles. Being a mother is just one part of your life. If you cannot have one of your own, let it out by adopting a child or supporting one. Your life is too precious to be given up for this.
My friend's neighbour, a govt employee committed suicide by hanging herself at her house in Colva on Tuesday.The deceased Jeanna Periera (27), took the extreme step after she was reportedly told by a doctor that she had remote chances of conceiving. Jeanna was married to an employee of a private firm five years ago and the couple had absolutely no issues. She recently met a doctor who is said to have told her that she might not conceive.The incident came to light when her husband returned home in the evening. She has left a suicide note asking her husband to marry another girl.
The other day Y and me were discussing the same thing, where we spoke about this craving for children among humans, specially women. Last week while I was consoling an acquaintance who had a miscarriage, she asked me if I had any of my own. I donot know if the person agreed with me or she was just trying to see if I knew what i was talking about. I love kids, be it my own or those of others - I'd any day prefer to spend time with them than in the company of adults. I do not mind the demands on my time, energy and emotions but I don't think I'd have been shattered if I could not have one of my own. I believe a child doesn't necessarily have to have the stamp of my genes for me to love her/him.
Though most of the women today refuse to be stereotyped in many ways, it seems that many of them still feel inadequate when they cannot bear a child. One woman even told me that she saw it as a kind of personal failure. My jaw dropped (literally) when I heard her say that. I responded: 'What is the big deal? You cannot dance, you cannot sing, you cannot have a child. have you thought about adoption?' For a second she might have thought I was joking or even being insensitive.
I am quite aware of the age old stigma that used to be attached to a woman who was 'infertile'- there is even a specific word for such woman in Telugu. It is strange to see that there is no male equivalent to the same word!! Few months ago another friend of mine told me about the kind of insults that were thrown at her by her in-laws because she hasn't been able to give them a grandchild five or six years since her marriage. It was even more unfair because her doctor had cleared her of any possible gynac problem, but her in-laws refused to believe her. What is surprising is the husband preferred not to get in to the issue and let her deal with his parents. He neither did anything to stop his parents nor be emotionally supportive to his wife. And all this was happening not in some remote village in India but in a country in the western world where they had made their home. And the girl herself is a well-educated woman with a career. What surprised me in her story was not the attitude of her in-laws nope, given their age and background I would say they were bound to think the way they did.....but I was surprised that my friend and her husband were affected by all this to the extent their marriage was in trouble.
The ability to create a life is a special gift, a gift that nature has bestowed upon most women. I would say there is no reason to feel worthless if your body is not fit for the same. There are still ways to create meaning in life. It is not a handicap situation. Remember you are still a perfect person. My request to all the women out there...Please donot allow others to define you in terms of roles. For this you have to first stop seeing yourselves as these roles. Being a mother is just one part of your life. If you cannot have one of your own, let it out by adopting a child or supporting one. Your life is too precious to be given up for this.
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